Demanding to have the last word in a disagreement is not evidence of God’s wisdom. It only proves we still have work to do in our hearts before we can experience and release the wisdom of God.

“If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom” (James 3:13). It is hard to seek this kind of wisdom in the heat of an emotional battle when we want to come out on top of a disagreement.

To have the wisdom of God requires that we deal with the demonic influences present in our hearts that become inhibitors and stand in the way of receiving God’s wisdom. “But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic” (vs. 14-15). 

Manifesting jealousy and selfish ambition are primary indicators of the presence of worldly wisdom, not the wisdom of God. They create disorder and call forth expressions of evil. “For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind” (vs. 16).

“But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, gentle, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness” (vs. 17-18). 

The primary evidence that God’s wisdom is present and at work in our hearts is our willingness to yield to those with whom we disagree. That yielding is something our natural mind fights against. We have been taught that bravado and self-confidence are the goals of our interactions with people. But those things are what inhibit the display of true wisdom.

The wisdom of God is expressed by seeking peace and revealing a gentle attitude. It is marked by a willingness to yield to something higher not demanding that we have the last word.

When we choose the way of wisdom, we will plant seeds of God’s wisdom that are not yet visible in the drama of demanding our way. Eventually, after those seeds have been planted, the wisdom of God will bud and bring forth a different kind of harvest. To be truly wise is to follow the way of the Spirit, not the spirit of jealousy and selfish ambition that will always bring forth death in our relationships, not life.